Today is the day!  I am embarking on a journey.  The wilderness is calling me and I am finally going to respond.  I am about to start the Appalachian Trail today at Springer Mountain, Georgia and I hope to hike thru to Damascus, Virginia.  The reason that I am hiking the trail is that I have come off of a really difficult season in my life that has left me a little more beat up and broken than I let on.  I have deliberately set aside the next three weeks to seek the Lord, as well as his healing and direction for my life.

            The Lord has been stirring my heart and preparing me for this time.  He has been convicting me a lot lately with a passage out of the book of Revelation.  It is his call to the Church of Sardis:

"I know all the things you do, and that you have a reputation for being alive, but you are dead.  Now wake up!  Strengthen what little remains, for even what is left is at the point of death.  Your deeds are far from the sight of God.  Go back to what you heard and believed at first; hold to it firmly and turn to me again.  Unless you do, I will come upon you suddenly, as unexpected as a thief (Revelation 3:1b-3 NLT)."

            I feel like the Lord has been challenging me and stripping me of everything that gave me identity or purpose in order to draw me closer to him.  I don't really know how to explain it, but at some point my focus became being a good leader and a man who hears from the Lord.  My identity became so wrapped up in it so that I continued to become all puffed up spiritually.  This then became the motive that drove me to do a lot of the things that I did.  Now, that I have had time to think about it and am allowing myself to be brutally honest; I can see how I got caught up in being a self-promoter.  This allowed me to build a great reputation.  However, I found that I was doing less and less of what I enjoyed with more and more effort.  Now that I have given you this ridiculously long explanation I will finally tie it in to the scripture from Revelation.  The charge to me from scripture is to rediscover my faith and even the reasons that I became involved in missions in the first place. 

When I first discovered missions; I loved it because it allowed me to glorify the Lord through my skills and abilities.  I found myself serving all of the time, often without people even noticing it.  I didn't care what people thought of what I was doing and I didn't need any kind of special recognition because I was only out to please the Lord not man. 

            I am heading to the trail because I want to rediscover whatever it is that allowed me to be a blessing not because it is a good thing to do or it gives me warm fuzzy feelings, but because the Lord has truly blessed me.  The least I can do is return it to him.  I am excited about what the Lord has for me in this time.  I would greatly appreciate your prayers over the next three weeks of my hike.  Thank you for your love and support.

Wow! It's been nearly five months since my last update and so much has happened.  Adventures In Missions allowed me to take a three month sabbatical so that I might have some time to heal and regroup after a difficult season in Kenya.  My sabbatical officially ended on August 18.  Through that time I grew frustrated because I felt like there was a break in my relationship with the Lord and I couldn't seem to connect with him in the ways that I had in the past.  It really shook me up a lot and caused me to question virtually every aspect of my life and faith.  I kept crying out to him demanding to know why he hadn't shown me what was next.  It really felt like I was trapped in this constant state of feeling lost.  Nothing made sense to me and I think I grew so frustrated that I kind of hoped that someone would just tell me what the Lord wanted me to do.  That or I was going to start doing something because it was better than nothing. 

The first week of August, I flew back up to Ohio from Georgia because I was in a wedding.  During this time I was reconnecting with friends and family as well as my home church.  It was hard for me, but it was also really good.  I met a friend for lunch and basically put everything on the table; sharing all of the things that I was processing through.  It wasn't until I shared that I realized how much of these frustrations were bogging me down.  However, the real breakthrough happened when I realized that I was frustrated with the Lord because he wasn't giving me any direction for my life, or so I thought.  Then it was at that moment that I realized that he had given me direction, but I had not been obedient to it.  There were two things that the Lord had been consistently showing me ever since I returned from Kenya at the end of April.  The first thing that I felt was that the Lord was calling me to a wilderness experience.  After praying about it I felt like that meant that I was supposed to spend a couple of weeks on Appalachian Trail.  The second thing that I felt was that the Lord was leading me to close out my time with AIM.  This meant that I would no longer be on staff for them.  I kept praying about it and those were the only two things that would consistently come up.  After I felt like I had confirmation the only thing left to do was walk out each of these things in obedience.

So here I am.  My last day with AIM was two weeks ago and I feel such a freedom and peace about it that I don't even know how to explain it.  I have spent the last three weeks purchasing gear and studying maps and trail guides.  I am preparing to hike the entire Southern portion of the Appalachian Trail which consists of Georgia, North Carolina, and Tennessee.  I have about three weeks and 250 miles of trail to work through my relationship with the Lord and just be his.  I don't know what is next for me.  All I know is that I am being obedient to what he has shown me and I have to trust that the rest will come.  The Lord will give me the next pieces of the puzzle when he feels like I am ready for them.  Once I have an actual start date for my hike I will post another blog so that you know when and how to pray for me.  Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support they have blessed me more than I can say.   

I am writing an update to share with you that I am rapidly approaching a road of uncertainty.  On Sunday, April 19^th, I will close out my time in Kenya, possibly for good.  I know that a season of rest awaits me and for that, I am truly grateful.  However, I am currently plagued with a wide array of emotions.  The majority of which, are how do I end my time in Kenya?  What closure do I need?  How do I end my time here well?  Then of course, the other obvious thing is what's next?  Let me start by telling you that I currently don't have any answers to these questions.  I have a tremendous peace about this season of my life coming to a close.  Also, I am eagerly excited about figuring out what is next for me.  I know that the Lord is revealing his steps to me as he prepares me.  I know that he is challenging me to step out in trust and in faith in ways that I haven't yet.  The Lord is growing me and fathering me into a man who is after his heart.  I have been feeling for some time that the Lord is asking more of me now then what I even feel capable of.  There are times where I want to "turn tail" and run because I am afraid of what the Lord is going to ask of me, but then he gives me the strength to press on towards his obedience.  Then I also realize; what can the Lord ask of me that I have not already given.  I have given up safety, security, a seemingly normal life, a career, money, an essentially my own life.  Therefore, I have nothing to fear.  Ultimately, I continue to arrive at a fuller understanding that I am his beloved.  He always takes care of his beloved.

This season of my life has been the most difficult that I have ever walked in.  I have faced more emotions and discouragements then I ever have.  It seemed like one thing after another kept battering against me weighing me down.  Thankfully, the Lord used this to teach me so much.  I don't think I have ever had a season of such intense growth and understanding as this one.  The Lord used this time to remind me that I am his; that my entire identity can be summed up in that, "I am his."  I certainly feel comfortable saying that my leadership has never been challenged as much as it was during this season of life.  I learned a lot about perseverance in this time.  There were so many days when I found myself asking, "Is it even worth trying anymore."  I had to weekly fight off the temptation to become disengaged altogether and just drift through my time here.  Every day, I had to tell myself that God has called me here for this time and this season so I need to soldier through whatever comes my way.  He certainly did not call me to complacency or apathy.  It pleases me to say that the Lord gave me strength and fresh perspectives each and every day to flourish even in the midst of turmoil.  The Lord spoke to me very clear about this.  He told me that my responsibility is to grow wherever he plants me.  In a way, I guess that I could summarize my time in Kenya by that.  The Lord planted me in the desert and challenged me to figure out how to grow.  I am so grateful for this because I did!  I'm also very grateful for those that encouraged me or lifted me up in prayer because I certainly would not have made it through this time without you.

I wanted to close out this update with a few prayer requests.

·         Pray that I can end my time in Kenya well.

·         Pray for safe travels for the team and me as we leave Sunday night.

·         Pray for wisdom and discernment as I try to figure out what is next.

·         Pray that the Lord will show me what it means to have a season of rest.

·         Pray for my heart, as it still needs more healing.

Thank you again for making all of this possible and for allowing me to walk out my relationship with the Lord in front of all of you.

It has been a long time since I have updated all of you as to the craziness that is my life.  I'm actually in a really difficult place right now.  Everything that I have ever cared about or held onto seems to be up for grabs or uncertain.  In the past few weeks, I have become very restless with ministry, missions, and even Kenya.  All of the things that I have been so certain of in the past are now being brought into question.  It feels like everything that I have ever been passionate about or sure of could now becoming to a close.  This may sound confusing, so I will try to lay some of it out as best as possible.  I have been working with AIM for almost nine years. I love it and have learned so much from it.  I have been working with them in Kenya, off and on for three years now and that has been good as well.  However, I am at a point in my life where I am not sure how much longer I will be in Kenya.  There is a team that arrives on January 28^th and they leave April 20^th, that I am leading.  This could potentially be the last team that I lead and maybe even my last trip for AIM, or my last time in Kenya.  I really don't know. 

The most important thing to me right now is my relationship with the Lord.  Whatever he wants for me, then that is what I want as well.  In the past, I have found that when it is time for me to move onto something else, the Lord makes me restless almost to the point of not being able to stand where I am at any longer.  It is a difficult time and it tells me that there is a major transition that is about to take place in my life.  Well friends that is where I am at right now.  I'm in Kenya, I'm about to lead a three month team, and I'm as uncomfortable here as I have ever been. I know that the Lord will lead me through this process and I know that everything will be fine.  However, I have no idea what is next, or where my life is heading for sure.  So everything that I have known to be true or good, or even found identity or security in, may soon be gone from my life in a matter of months.  How do you reconcile or wade through all of that?  Where do you even begin?  My only choice right now is to trust the Lord and wait for things to play out to see where I land.  However, I am very much still human so it is not easy for me to just sit around, or even let go of things.  I will probably fight and wrestle with every last thing until things are finally settled.  Then I will probably look back and wish that I processed through it differently.

I want to be very clear in saying that I don't have any plans to leave AIM, Kenya, or my call to missions.  All that I know right now is that I am very restless and I feel like the Lord is trying to prepare me to move towards a major transition, but I don't know what that is yet.  So because of that I have to put all my cards on the table and see which ones I'm left holding.  These are all very difficult things for me to walk though.  However, I know that whatever else awaits me is better and worth all of the questioning and transitioning, that I am currently going through.  Lord, whatever you have for me, whatever is waiting even if the road to get there is difficult, I choose to receive it from you.  Lord, I trust you with my life and I trust that you will do with it what you will.  Thank you, Lord that you love me enough, not to leave me where I am.

*Please, pray for me that the Lord would continue to give me wisdom and guidance as I walk this out.

Sorry that I haven't updated in awhile.  I have been out of contact with the "Real World."  We have been working in Eburru, which is a remote mountain village, since November 12^th.  I'm in Nairobi for two more days and then I travel back up there to finish up on Sunday with the team.  I wish I could paint you an accurate portrayal of how beautiful it is in Eburru.  Imagine living in huts, in a small village on the side of a mountain that is just shy of 10,000 ft above sea level.  Then you have the view of the entire Rift Valley and Lake Naivasha below you.  We have electricity about five hours a night when we run the generator and we are cooking for about twenty people either over a small gas stove or over a charcoal stove.  Our showers look like outhouses and they are essentially a 20 gallon bucket placed on the roof with a shower head plumbed into the bottom.  I know most of you are probably thinking, "Man! Better you than me."  I promise you though, once you see it with your own eyes its breathtaking.  It renews my perspective on the Lord and allows me to worship him through his creation. 

Things have been going well for me, but I have been having a lot of trouble with fatigue and I have spent hundreds of dollars on tests and haven't found anything except for me having worms (again.)  However, that shouldn't affect me like this.  I would love to be lifted up in your prayers as I have a lot of logistics to undergo in the next few weeks.

Team leaves December 6^TH

I leave on December 8^th to fly to Atlanta and then the next day I hop a plane to Ohio

On December 12^th, my dad and his wife, Kathy, are driving me to Kansas City so that they can meet Dawn.

Then on December 14^th, Dawn and I are driving from Kansas City to Texas, so that I can meet her family and friends and spend Christmas with them.

Finally, I fly back to Kenya on December 27^th to lead a two week medical team. 

I know it's been awhile since I last updated all of you.  The days and weeks have melted away and so much has happened that it is hard sometimes for me to know where to begin.  However, I really need to tell you about today. This morning, the Lord did a powerful work in my team.  There are twelve students on my team plus six staff.  They are a great bunch of students and have been an absolute joy to lead.  The team has amazing potential and I have been seeing the Lord bring more and more of that out of them.  The last two weeks have been a challenge for us because all or most of us have been sick with colds, flu, bronchitis, and fatigue, as well as a few minor injuries.  All of this together, has taken a toll on the team causing them to be somewhat discouraged.

This morning started out like any other morning.  We were all getting ready to go out into Kibera slums for morning ministries and it started pouring rain.  The rain looked like it was settling in for awhile so we decided to cancel the ministry that we had planned.  The other leaders and I started praying and felt convicted about us not having any quality times of corporate prayer.  I specifically felt a need to pray over one another and ask the Lord to show us how to pray for each other.  It was a powerful time of prayer and worship.  I saw the Lord touch some deep pains that were hanging onto students hearts.  I saw the Lord free some of the students from lies that the enemy held over them.  The Lord was restoring us and cleansing us from all of the junk that was weighing us down.  I even seen a couple of students breakdown completely, when I've never seen any emotion in them before.  The whole team started praying and prophesying (speaking God's truth) over one another.  It was powerful and it was so freeing.  This went on for about two and a half hours.  Layer after layer, wall after wall just began to peel off of each of these students.  We are just now beginning to experience the power of living in a Christ-centered community.  I think all of us walked away from that time with tears in our eyes, encouragement in our hearts and a genuine love and respect for one another.  The best part about it is that it wasn't about anything that we did.  The Lord set aside this day so that we might be encouraged and the Holy Spirit did all of the redemptive work.  Man! The Lord is so good to us!  Thanks for all of your love, support, and encouragement.