Restless times in Kenya
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It has been a long time since I
have updated all of you as to the craziness that is my life. I’m actually in a really difficult place
right now. Everything that I have ever
cared about or held onto seems to be up for grabs or uncertain. In the past few weeks, I have become very
restless with ministry, missions, and even Kenya. All of the things that I have been so certain
of in the past are now being brought into question. It feels like everything that I have ever
been passionate about or sure of could now becoming to a close. This may sound confusing, so I will try to
lay some of it out as best as possible.
I have been working with AIM for almost nine years. I love it and have
learned so much from it. I have been
working with them in Kenya, off and on for three years now and that has been
good as well. However, I am at a point
in my life where I am not sure how much longer I will be in Kenya. There is a team that arrives on January 28th
and they leave April 20th, that I am leading. This could potentially be the last team that
I lead and maybe even my last trip for AIM, or my last time in Kenya. I really don’t know.
The most important thing to me
right now is my relationship with the Lord.
Whatever he wants for me, then that is what I want as well. In the past, I have found that when it is
time for me to move onto something else, the Lord makes me restless almost to
the point of not being able to stand where I am at any longer. It is a difficult time and it tells me that
there is a major transition that is about to take place in my life. Well friends that is where I am at right
now. I’m in Kenya, I’m about to lead a
three month team, and I’m as uncomfortable here as I have ever been. I know
that the Lord will lead me through this process and I know that everything will
be fine. However, I have no idea what is
next, or where my life is heading for sure.
So everything that I have known to be true or good, or even found
identity or security in, may soon be gone from my life in a matter of
months. How do you reconcile or wade
through all of that? Where do you even
begin? My only choice right now is to
trust the Lord and wait for things to play out to see where I land. However, I am very much still human so it is
not easy for me to just sit around, or even let go of things. I will probably fight and wrestle with every last
thing until things are finally settled.
Then I will probably look back and wish that I processed through it differently.
I want to be very clear in saying
that I don’t have any plans to leave AIM, Kenya, or my call to missions. All that I know right now is that I am very
restless and I feel like the Lord is trying to prepare me to move towards a
major transition, but I don’t know what that is yet. So because of that I have to put all my cards
on the table and see which ones I’m left holding. These are all very difficult things for me to
walk though. However, I know that
whatever else awaits me is better and worth all of the questioning and
transitioning, that I am currently going through. Lord, whatever you have for me, whatever is
waiting even if the road to get there is difficult, I choose to receive it from
you. Lord, I trust you with my life and
I trust that you will do with it what you will.
Thank you, Lord that you love me enough, not to leave me where I am.
*Please, pray for me that the Lord
would continue to give me wisdom and guidance as I walk this out.
*Pray for an abundance of love,
grace, and endurance as I lead this next team.
*Pray for Dawn as she leaves for
Thailand on Wednesday morning, and pray for our relationship, as we won’t be able to communicate as easy or
frequently.
