Seeing Outside Myself

        I really don’t
know how to put words to my time here in Kenya thus far.  As I roam around the streets and alleyways of
Kibera slums I continue to seek the Lord for his vision of Kenya.  Over and over he continues to tell me just to
look around and see what a great work he is doing in the midst of tragedy.  I find myself more often then not wrestling
with whether or not I was fruitful the last time I was here.  I keep looking and looking for results, and
at times am disappointed when people have forgotten me or they pretend to
remember me; not that I blame them because I have been gone for a year and a
half. 

            After spending part of my time wallowing
in self-pity I discovered that those whom I had intentionally spent time with
remembered me, and they were so excited to see me.  One of my Kenyan friends, Edwin, met with me
the other night.  It blessed me so much
as we are fellow partners in the Gospel. 
He and I used to travel all around to many churches so that I could
preach and he could translate.  We spent
nearly an hour sharing what the Lord was doing in each of our lives.  It was so encouraging to me to hear how well
he was doing and to hear how much he has grown in the Lord. 

            Wednesday was an overwhelming day for
me.  Kayla and I traveled to Karen,
which is about an hour away to see the street boys that used to live next door
to us in the slums.  I can remember these
boys ages 5 to 15 being very rough and lacking discipline.  Many of them came from desperate situations
ranging from being orphaned to huffing paint or glue.  They all lived together in this house which
was run by a Catholic organization out of Italy I think.  It was very rough and barely getting by and I
questioned its validity many times. 
Well, apparently when I left they sent all of the boys to a home in
Karen.  We went there to visit and I was
very skeptical of what I would find there. 
However, as soon as I seen the boys I new that I had been wrong.  The boys had so much joy and the facility was
very nice.  There were twenty-six boys
broke up between three live-in families in one large two-story building.  Three of the boys, that I new the most,
Francis, Joseph, and Duncan gave us a tour and some of the future vision of the
place.  It was amazing for lack of better
words; there is so much room for the boys there.  They can each have their own garden if they
want too.  So we got to see all of the
gardens that these boys were growing. 
The boys also receive a good education there.  Francis, Joseph, and Duncan were each at the
top of their class.  It blessed me so
much to spend time there.

 I found myself just broken and constantly
holding back tears.  I also found myself
regretting so much that I had not spent very much time with them before.  I felt convicted because I knew that part of
my time in Kenya
before was spent hiding behind various projects in order that I would not have
to feel the sting of goodbyes.  It was
then that I finally realized that it’s not about me and it never has been.  It has always been about the Lord and his
picture for Kenya
and for these boys and it was up to me whether or not I would choose to be a
part of that.  So, I asked the Lord for
forgiveness and told him that I absolutely want to be a part of what he is
doing here.  The rest of time at the boys’
home was an intentional time for me where I could be with them and love on them
and maybe even be a father figure to some which is a scary thought for me.  It didn’t even look like what I expected it
to.  I found myself standing next to a
boy for fifteen minutes as he ran his fingers through my arm hair
repeatedly.  The only words that were
exchanged were when he asked me why I had so much hair and I replied back, “Yeah,
where I’m from it gets very cold.”  Then
we both laughed.  The Lord is doing a
mighty work in the slums and knowing these boys allowed me to see it first
hand.  They are a generation with hope,
joy and love; they are all part of the Lord’s vision for the slums and that is
the vision that I am currently seeking.