Blog

Explore My News,
Thoughts & Inspiration

Kenya      Thursday, October 25, 2007

 

Lord, is there any
fruit to present you from my last time in
Kenya?  Forgive me Lord for being consumed by my own
hurt, fears, and inadequacies.  Lord, you
know that I hid behind every project so that I would not have to face others,
myself, or even failure.  Lord, did I
waste my time here?
  Did I somehow manage
to make my time here all about me?
  It
seems that people here either don’t remember me, or they remember me for the
things I fixed or built; not for the lives I changed or the love that I
gave.  Forgive me Lord; forgive me for
completely missing it. 

Lord, I went to
visit the street boys yesterday and it absolutely wrecked me.  Many did not remember me at all.  All that I could think about was the love
that I did not show them, and how many projects that I took on to avoid
spending time with them.  Lord, the guilt
that churned in my stomach and the tears that I held back were almost
overwhelming. 

I know that it
does not end here though.  You are a God
of second and even third chances. 
Yesterday, those street boys were loving on me as I was busy trying to
figure out how to love on them and wandering why I never did before.  Lord, yet again you have pierced my heart and
I will never be the same again.  Thank
you.

4 responses to “Asking the Tough Questions”

  1. Jason, Praise God that He IS the God of second (third etc…) chances. I pray that this time in Kenya will be a time that you see God in the faces of the people there. That you allow Him to use you to show the love of Jesus in a hug, a smile, a held hand, a compassionate touch or even meeting the needs physically. God will use you because you are willing to be used as you desire and seek to focus on Him.

    Praying for you…

  2. Driver,
    I am praying for you and am wanting to help you get the funding you need to get back to kenya! Thank you for sharing your heart in your updates! Driver, to tell you the truth, I am hearing in your heart what I have been looking for before I added my support. I love you man! I really do! I am excited to see all the Lord is going to do in your ministry in Kenya. Tell me how much you still have to raise, I will help you!
    God Bless!
    Don

  3. jason as I read your coments it made me realize that I sometimes forget that is not always the things we do but how we have that relationship with God and how we can show that love to others. thanks for the reminder. you are constantly in denny and my prayers. thanks for God giving us second chances.
    love you,your second mom,
    karen

  4. Hey, isn’t it amazing how we think we do such great things and yet we were completely off? I’m glad you’re not perfect :). It means there’s hope for change, and I sure as heeeck :), need to change! Jesus, as cliche as it sounds, please mold us and make us into what you want us to be, even though it hurts like hell.
    love you,
    Carmen